From: Bellingham, Washington, United States
About me: I do stuff. I live in my head too much of the time. I don't eat cow.
a mildly amusing and hellaciously self-indulgent tool in which I attempt to maintain a functioning level of sanity.
Saturday, December 23, 2006,9:51 PM
the fever, it burns! and it's all girly!
Ohsweetzombie jebus.So. Miss Marriage Is Antiquated & I Refuse to Settle Down With One Person for the Rest of My F%&*ing Life is getting married.
And that Miss Thang would be yours truly, of course.
Well, damn.
This is going to turn into an inspiration and stuff-what-I-likes blog for a bit. Lotsa pix. Lotsa girly.
I wish my brain hadn't gone so retarded almost immediately.
Damnit.
Look, Juniper! It's pretty. I like it. Mmmm, pretty berries. Nice colour.
Oh, and look! Some peely white birch. It's nice. Once I saw some candles that appeared to wrapped in this stuff. It was okay, kind of creepy. Nice bark. Might be nice to use...grab some branches and glitter the fuck out of them (winter wedding, I hopes). Maybe some silver, with eucalyptus...dude, I don't know. I live in the Pacific NorthWest, and Mr. Man Wife To Be is a big ol' mountain man from the Rockies, so I suppose something woodsy would be appropriate. Who knows, maybe that way we could get Sasquatch to come. And by Sasquatch, I mean my cousins who live in Anchorage, Alaska.
The lure of beer alone will have all of my couch surfing friends indignant and pawing at the door.
Bleh. Let's leave them off the guest list, shall we? I went to my ex-girlfriend's wedding and acted as bridesmaid a while ago....while her wedding was lovely (what I can, er, remember of it), the horrendous bit was that she had her sweet and well-behaved family present, and then also invited our Beer Pig Friends from off the mountain. With an open bar and piggie roast. Biiiiiiig Mistake. I've never seen so many horrified family members at one time, nor so many drunken snowboarders eating pig brains. Ugh. Pass, thx.
Is it wrong that I am totally in love with centerpieces? Like these?
It's a little sick, isn't it. Yes, yes I know.
I wonder what it is that happens when someone as supposedly anti-marriage and all that bs as I've been ends up planning a wedding. Or even getting married, ferfuckssake. That is kind of really scary. My brain has betrayed me! Now I'm all "Aw, I want to bake him cookies and have like a million of his little slavic babies!!!" (btw, Lithuanian men = teh hotness. for serious. think Mikhail Barishnikov with those smoldery eyes and lithe little...arrrg. Yum).
This salmon (cedar plank with rosemary and citrus) makes me salivate uncontrollably. If anyone else doesn't want any, they can fucking eat saltines for all I care. This shit here....is tits. Well not really, but it's almost as good. You get some hot garlic butter on this, and that's all you need. No fancy bechamels or wine sauces, no no no. If you are lucky enough to live somewhere that has a steady supply of still-flappin-around-fresh-fishy like I do....you are an idiot if you turn your nose up at it.
So. Salmon roastin it is. Maybe I'll throw some cordon bleu at them so they don't bitch. I don't know. It's just going to be our families, and I am thinking about doing a modest buffet just to keep people from fucking whining.
Orchids! On a cake! On a square Cake that has way too much frosting!! Wow, that's pretty. I'm going with orchids rather than roses. And most of those will be either silk or live...cut flowers creep me out a little. Ok, a good deal. And Mr MWTB loves them, so yay. His mum has these immense orchids at her house, some of the stalks are about as big around as my lil girly wrist! They're taller than Gooneybird, too, which is really quite impressive. So hopefully future mommy in law will like them. I don't know. She's kind of a funny one....very emotional and touchy feely but kind of in a giggly schoolgirl way, all full of naiveté. Strange lady. I wonder if she isn't a bit....off....
And hey, you can't blame me, her own son insists she hasn't been firmly rooted in reality since.......since......ummm, I'm not sure, really. Strange lady, but very sweet and obviously loves her son a lot. She is also quite enthralled with GB, and doesn't think I'm too bad, either. Meh.
OK, OK. I'll go to bed now. Just wait till I start with the dresses.
Jebus help us all.
Happy hols.
And that Miss Thang would be yours truly, of course.
Well, damn.
This is going to turn into an inspiration and stuff-what-I-likes blog for a bit. Lotsa pix. Lotsa girly.
I wish my brain hadn't gone so retarded almost immediately.
Damnit.
Look, Juniper! It's pretty. I like it. Mmmm, pretty berries. Nice colour.
Oh, and look! Some peely white birch. It's nice. Once I saw some candles that appeared to wrapped in this stuff. It was okay, kind of creepy. Nice bark. Might be nice to use...grab some branches and glitter the fuck out of them (winter wedding, I hopes). Maybe some silver, with eucalyptus...dude, I don't know. I live in the Pacific NorthWest, and Mr. Man Wife To Be is a big ol' mountain man from the Rockies, so I suppose something woodsy would be appropriate. Who knows, maybe that way we could get Sasquatch to come. And by Sasquatch, I mean my cousins who live in Anchorage, Alaska.
The lure of beer alone will have all of my couch surfing friends indignant and pawing at the door.
Bleh. Let's leave them off the guest list, shall we? I went to my ex-girlfriend's wedding and acted as bridesmaid a while ago....while her wedding was lovely (what I can, er, remember of it), the horrendous bit was that she had her sweet and well-behaved family present, and then also invited our Beer Pig Friends from off the mountain. With an open bar and piggie roast. Biiiiiiig Mistake. I've never seen so many horrified family members at one time, nor so many drunken snowboarders eating pig brains. Ugh. Pass, thx.
Is it wrong that I am totally in love with centerpieces? Like these?
It's a little sick, isn't it. Yes, yes I know.
I wonder what it is that happens when someone as supposedly anti-marriage and all that bs as I've been ends up planning a wedding. Or even getting married, ferfuckssake. That is kind of really scary. My brain has betrayed me! Now I'm all "Aw, I want to bake him cookies and have like a million of his little slavic babies!!!" (btw, Lithuanian men = teh hotness. for serious. think Mikhail Barishnikov with those smoldery eyes and lithe little...arrrg. Yum).
This salmon (cedar plank with rosemary and citrus) makes me salivate uncontrollably. If anyone else doesn't want any, they can fucking eat saltines for all I care. This shit here....is tits. Well not really, but it's almost as good. You get some hot garlic butter on this, and that's all you need. No fancy bechamels or wine sauces, no no no. If you are lucky enough to live somewhere that has a steady supply of still-flappin-around-fresh-fishy like I do....you are an idiot if you turn your nose up at it.So. Salmon roastin it is. Maybe I'll throw some cordon bleu at them so they don't bitch. I don't know. It's just going to be our families, and I am thinking about doing a modest buffet just to keep people from fucking whining.
Orchids! On a cake! On a square Cake that has way too much frosting!! Wow, that's pretty. I'm going with orchids rather than roses. And most of those will be either silk or live...cut flowers creep me out a little. Ok, a good deal. And Mr MWTB loves them, so yay. His mum has these immense orchids at her house, some of the stalks are about as big around as my lil girly wrist! They're taller than Gooneybird, too, which is really quite impressive. So hopefully future mommy in law will like them. I don't know. She's kind of a funny one....very emotional and touchy feely but kind of in a giggly schoolgirl way, all full of naiveté. Strange lady. I wonder if she isn't a bit....off....And hey, you can't blame me, her own son insists she hasn't been firmly rooted in reality since.......since......ummm, I'm not sure, really. Strange lady, but very sweet and obviously loves her son a lot. She is also quite enthralled with GB, and doesn't think I'm too bad, either. Meh.
OK, OK. I'll go to bed now. Just wait till I start with the dresses.
Jebus help us all.
Happy hols.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006,5:31 PM
Fuck Finals, Fuck Negativity, Fuck this whole bloody season.
This here....is awesome. Screw the season that (erroneously) celebrates the birth of jebus. HEY CHRISTIANS WAY TO CO OPT A PAGAN HOLIDAY IN ORDER TO TRICK PEOPLE INTO GOING ALONG WITH YOUR THEOCRATIC TAKEOVER GOOD JOB. Because Jebus was born in spring, thanks. Even December in Bethlehem was cold, and nobody was out tending their fucking flocks then, and honestly what the hell does this goddamned holiday have a fucking thing to do with presents?!?
This ham-ham totally agrees with me.
Ok and this guy really hates False Zombie Jebus Birthday:
Enough with the cute! I need hot cocoa and mac&cheese and boy snuggles from my mens.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006,5:24 PM
Why People Ask Retarded Questions
"Why do you love me?"
...
OH DEAR GOD. *criiiiiiiiinge*. Gee, I don't know. Why do I like to drink water? Why do I wear pants? Why do I always paint my toenails but never my fingernails?
Like the Catholic church, it is a fucking mystery, okay?
Except for this dude. No mystery. Homey is a Nazi.
Or, you know, it could have something to do with the fact that, like myself, you have had plenty of Very Unpleasant Occurances occur and instead of being a pusillanimous waste of whining flesh about it like most people would have, you've risen above it. And when this is noted, you simply shrug and look mystified, as if to say "was there really any other option but to move on and up?".
OOOOO! Or it could have just a teeny tiny little bit to do with the thing where you treat me like a human being who deserves to be treated with utmost respect and love and kindness.
Nah, bitches hate that. Scratch that!
Maybe it has to do with when I watch you with my little midget-clone and you slip easily into the role of my counterpart without more than an exasperated sigh here and there. You're teaching my son to tie his shoes, ferfuckssake. NOT THAT IT AFFECTS ME IN ANY SORT OF GOOEYGIRLYGOOSHY WAY WHATSOEVER.
People ask retarded questions because all people are idiots sometimes a little.
...
OH DEAR GOD. *criiiiiiiiinge*. Gee, I don't know. Why do I like to drink water? Why do I wear pants? Why do I always paint my toenails but never my fingernails?
Like the Catholic church, it is a fucking mystery, okay?
Except for this dude. No mystery. Homey is a Nazi.Or, you know, it could have something to do with the fact that, like myself, you have had plenty of Very Unpleasant Occurances occur and instead of being a pusillanimous waste of whining flesh about it like most people would have, you've risen above it. And when this is noted, you simply shrug and look mystified, as if to say "was there really any other option but to move on and up?".
OOOOO! Or it could have just a teeny tiny little bit to do with the thing where you treat me like a human being who deserves to be treated with utmost respect and love and kindness.
Nah, bitches hate that. Scratch that!
Maybe it has to do with when I watch you with my little midget-clone and you slip easily into the role of my counterpart without more than an exasperated sigh here and there. You're teaching my son to tie his shoes, ferfuckssake. NOT THAT IT AFFECTS ME IN ANY SORT OF GOOEYGIRLYGOOSHY WAY WHATSOEVER.
People ask retarded questions because all people are idiots sometimes a little.
Sunday, September 17, 2006,11:39 AM
Cop Out on an Actual Post
THREE THINGS ABOOT YOU..... eh!
(swiped from my mama, Ms First Nations of the Rancho de First Nations, Yo)
Things that scare me.
1. biological warfare
2. fundies
3. romance novels
People who make me laugh.
1. maaaaama
2. Squidget
3. Mr. M (the new fella, yo)
Things I hate most.
1. pretension
2. mornings that are not Sunday mornings
3. rainbows! goddamned bastards crawlin up your pantleg and gnawing on your ass...fucking rainbows...
Things I don't understand.
1. Ann Coulter
2. girly girls
3. quantum mechanics
Things I'm doing right now.
1. writing down a recipe for butternut squash/tofu ravioli
2. watching it rain pathetically
3. gnawing on my flaky lips...mmm, tastes like cold weather. And a bit of blood. Yum.
Things I want to do before I die.
1. have an impact on folks in a nice, meaningful, non-dickish way
2. be happy/content with where I am most of the time
3. go to new zealand for a while
Things I can do.
1. trigonometry like a mofo
2. spell and do the grammar nazi thing (when I really wanna)
3. be a decent parent/daughter/girlfriend/sister/friend/human being
Ways to describe my personality.
1. calmly chaoitic
2. slightly ridiculous
3. bossy, yo.
Things I can't do.
1. pee with a penis
2. sit still for more than two minutes. I fidget a lot.
3. keep my bloody fucking mouth shut.
Things I think you should listen to.
1. NPR (or a close facsimile)
2. That little voice in your head that says: "SUBVERT THE DOMINANT PARADIGM!"
3. Um, most likely... probably not the gov't mass media religious leaders madison ave or most authority figures.
Things you should never listen to.
1. public school history teachers
2. psychic vampires
3. raffi
Things I'd like to learn.
1. advanced physics
2. intiricate wood carving skillz (word em up g)
3. how to alter the passage of time
Favorite foods.
1. burritos , burritoes, burritoooos, burrirrirritooos ( i'm agreeing with my ma here)
2. gyros
3. cheese of all shades, aromas, molds, and textures
Beverages I drink regularly.
1. coffee
2. zinfandel
3. beer
Shows I watched as a kid.
1. no tv
2. no tv
3. I did crazy things like read books and draw and played outside. WILD, I know.
(swiped from my mama, Ms First Nations of the Rancho de First Nations, Yo)
Things that scare me.
1. biological warfare
2. fundies
3. romance novels
People who make me laugh.
1. maaaaama
2. Squidget
3. Mr. M (the new fella, yo)
Things I hate most.
1. pretension
2. mornings that are not Sunday mornings
3. rainbows! goddamned bastards crawlin up your pantleg and gnawing on your ass...fucking rainbows...
Things I don't understand.
1. Ann Coulter
2. girly girls
3. quantum mechanics
Things I'm doing right now.
1. writing down a recipe for butternut squash/tofu ravioli
2. watching it rain pathetically
3. gnawing on my flaky lips...mmm, tastes like cold weather. And a bit of blood. Yum.
Things I want to do before I die.
1. have an impact on folks in a nice, meaningful, non-dickish way
2. be happy/content with where I am most of the time
3. go to new zealand for a while
Things I can do.
1. trigonometry like a mofo
2. spell and do the grammar nazi thing (when I really wanna)
3. be a decent parent/daughter/girlfriend/sister/friend/human being
Ways to describe my personality.
1. calmly chaoitic
2. slightly ridiculous
3. bossy, yo.
Things I can't do.
1. pee with a penis
2. sit still for more than two minutes. I fidget a lot.
3. keep my bloody fucking mouth shut.
Things I think you should listen to.
1. NPR (or a close facsimile)
2. That little voice in your head that says: "SUBVERT THE DOMINANT PARADIGM!"
3. Um, most likely... probably not the gov't mass media religious leaders madison ave or most authority figures.
Things you should never listen to.
1. public school history teachers
2. psychic vampires
3. raffi
Things I'd like to learn.
1. advanced physics
2. intiricate wood carving skillz (word em up g)
3. how to alter the passage of time
Favorite foods.
1. burritos , burritoes, burritoooos, burrirrirritooos ( i'm agreeing with my ma here)
2. gyros
3. cheese of all shades, aromas, molds, and textures
Beverages I drink regularly.
1. coffee
2. zinfandel
3. beer
Shows I watched as a kid.
1. no tv
2. no tv
3. I did crazy things like read books and draw and played outside. WILD, I know.
Friday, July 28, 2006,8:33 PM
Letters I write to my mother. No, really.
Dear Mom,
I was going to call and ask if Gooneybird could come see his Bubba and if Dorian could get her Mum to make her dinner Sunday, but. Oh well.
Also, I meant to ask you OH MY GOD THERE IS SOMETHING IN MY UNDERPANTS WHAT IS IT
Just kidding. I wanted to know that if I have apple juice in my fridge that is slightly effervescent and is kind of not supposed to be....is that a Bad Thing...? I mean....uhm. I probably should not drink that? It won't kill me if I did a little, right, because it was kind of tasty. No, sadly, I am not joking. And yes, I am still your daughter. You should be asking yourself exactly how many times you dropped me right about now.
You should probably just email me, because if I call, Dad will yell at the phone.
BAH BUDDY!
Yep. This is how I talk to my own mama. Stop being shocked now. I am known for my irreverence.
As far as dirt on my mum, Frobisher.....well.....all I have to say is that I act like more of an adult than she does.... And occasionally she is very nice to strangers. It's freaky.
She also sings songs about our dogs to herself. Constantly. It's like tourette's, but about a small, smelly, hideous potato of a dog.
Ummmm. Other than that, she doesn't really do anything too horrible. Well, when I was a kid, she wore pants that were magenta with black and yellow and green.....fleck...thingies...on them....it looked a lot like someone threw up on them.
I think it was just to embarrass me. It was the 80s, man. I wore jams. It was a bad scene. Except my mom...was gleeful....with her bad-pants-wearing.
I dunno, dude.
I was going to call and ask if Gooneybird could come see his Bubba and if Dorian could get her Mum to make her dinner Sunday, but. Oh well.
Also, I meant to ask you OH MY GOD THERE IS SOMETHING IN MY UNDERPANTS WHAT IS IT
Just kidding. I wanted to know that if I have apple juice in my fridge that is slightly effervescent and is kind of not supposed to be....is that a Bad Thing...? I mean....uhm. I probably should not drink that? It won't kill me if I did a little, right, because it was kind of tasty. No, sadly, I am not joking. And yes, I am still your daughter. You should be asking yourself exactly how many times you dropped me right about now.
You should probably just email me, because if I call, Dad will yell at the phone.
BAH BUDDY!
Yep. This is how I talk to my own mama. Stop being shocked now. I am known for my irreverence.
As far as dirt on my mum, Frobisher.....well.....all I have to say is that I act like more of an adult than she does.... And occasionally she is very nice to strangers. It's freaky.
She also sings songs about our dogs to herself. Constantly. It's like tourette's, but about a small, smelly, hideous potato of a dog.
Ummmm. Other than that, she doesn't really do anything too horrible. Well, when I was a kid, she wore pants that were magenta with black and yellow and green.....fleck...thingies...on them....it looked a lot like someone threw up on them.
I think it was just to embarrass me. It was the 80s, man. I wore jams. It was a bad scene. Except my mom...was gleeful....with her bad-pants-wearing.
I dunno, dude.
Sunday, July 23, 2006,10:05 PM
Uhhhh.
I...uh.....think...I want to....ummmm. Marry Sam Beam, maybe? A little?
Or a very close facsimille.
For those of you not in the know, homeboy here is Iron & Wine, which is very rapidly becoming my new favorite band...type...thing. Well, Mr. Beam here, and then Calexico and Califone.
Thanks to the magics of the intarwebs (and having a bit too much alone time), my musical tastes have kinda undergone a sea change. I still love the Deftones, and Pharrell still needs to be my personal bitch, but I think maybe mellower, bluesy/bluegrassy/folky stuff makes me pretty fuckin happy at the moment. Really pretty damned happy. That and the new locale has made my head a lot calmer.
Maybe I'm mellowing in my advancing years.
I'm old....22 next month....dear sweet Zombie Jebus, bust out the Botox.
Oh, oh, oh. Here is my favorite song at the moment.
Lion's Mane
run like a race for family
when you hear like you're alone
the rusty gears of morning
and faceless, busy phones
we gladly run in circles
but the shape we meant to make is gone
and love is a tired symphony
you hum when you're awake
and love is a crying baby
mama warned you not to shake
and love's the best sensation
hiding in the lion's mane
so i'll clear the road, the gravel
and the thornbush in your path
that burns a scented oil
that i'll drip into your bath
the water's there to warm you
and the earth is warmer when you laugh
and love is the scene i render
when you catch me wide awake
and love is the dream you enter
though i shake and shake and shake you
and love's the best endeavor
waiting in the lion's mane
Or a very close facsimille.
For those of you not in the know, homeboy here is Iron & Wine, which is very rapidly becoming my new favorite band...type...thing. Well, Mr. Beam here, and then Calexico and Califone.
Thanks to the magics of the intarwebs (and having a bit too much alone time), my musical tastes have kinda undergone a sea change. I still love the Deftones, and Pharrell still needs to be my personal bitch, but I think maybe mellower, bluesy/bluegrassy/folky stuff makes me pretty fuckin happy at the moment. Really pretty damned happy. That and the new locale has made my head a lot calmer.
Maybe I'm mellowing in my advancing years.
I'm old....22 next month....dear sweet Zombie Jebus, bust out the Botox.
Oh, oh, oh. Here is my favorite song at the moment.
Lion's Mane
run like a race for family
when you hear like you're alone
the rusty gears of morning
and faceless, busy phones
we gladly run in circles
but the shape we meant to make is gone
and love is a tired symphony
you hum when you're awake
and love is a crying baby
mama warned you not to shake
and love's the best sensation
hiding in the lion's mane
so i'll clear the road, the gravel
and the thornbush in your path
that burns a scented oil
that i'll drip into your bath
the water's there to warm you
and the earth is warmer when you laugh
and love is the scene i render
when you catch me wide awake
and love is the dream you enter
though i shake and shake and shake you
and love's the best endeavor
waiting in the lion's mane
Thursday, July 13, 2006,8:28 AM
Maybe not a good example of piraticism. Meh.
Growing up is a very, very strange thing. I mean, the odyssey that was toddlerhood to teenagerness was.....special. And really kind of mindblowing when you think of how many transformations and mental/physical overhauls a person undergoes in that short decade and a half.
But this "adulthood" thing. Wow.
I stop every so often and think that my earliest memories of my mom were of her at right about the same age (I'm 22....she was about 26 or 27), and it's weird to think how kind of similar we are...were...?.... It's strange to think of her back when she dyed her hair black and wore huge black sunglasses and punk-y t-shirts and was as pale as I am, especially now that I am a mommy who wears huge black sunglasses and punk-y t-shirts. You turn into your parents in more subtle ways than just how you yell at your kids, huh? Yep.
But.
My brain is kind of maybe maturing a bit. In the past few months, my brain has been catching up with the fact that a lot of my theories on the world and the way things work are.....not at all the same as a year ago. This wouldn't be so strange but for the fact that I'm a stubborn jackass and usually cling to these things until they're torn to bits, sent up in flames, pissed on, and finally tossed into a drainage ditch. Now...I'm okay with change, I may actually be even subconsciously seeking and accepting it rapidfire.
For instance.....I may not think that humans are built to be monogamous, but I do indeed believe in monogamy now. That's a big shift.
Another thing is that I really don't give a fuck what you believe, or what your politics are, or whatever. If you treat me as an intelligent human who is worthy of respect, I'll give you the same. No discraminating on that end anymore. I guess I finally reconciled the dichotomy of fighting bigotry with bigotry in my head with....just not giving a fuck.
I'm also starting to feel more and more and more like a mum. A mum who will be doing this on her own for quite some time (indefinitely, even), and I am more and more and more....pretty okay with that. I get more giddy now thinking about the house I want to buy and the projects I want to start on (like buying a Galaxie! and building a bike...mmmm, triumph....) than about settling down with somebody and doing all the same things. This is made a bit strange by the waves of guys lately who seemingly want to "rescue" me from the societal faux-pas of single motherhood. Oh, don't kid yourself, it's still a no-no. And while the former serial-monogamist in me is mildly intruigued, the rest of me is kind of laughing about it. Especially when they praise my strength/amazon-likeness/warrior attitude/etc while trying to get me to settle down and completely domesticate. That's funny.
Things I used to want....not all that long ago....just don't appeal.
I don't know where I'm going with all of this, really. It's just interesting to notice that my head's changing. Maybe the plethora of chums running to get married (which is pretty concerning) is making me ponder stuff. If my head's transforming so freaking quickly...like, on a near-weekly basis....how do these friends of mine know that this marriage thing is what they want to do? Or even, how do they sit there and say, "okay, I have no idea who I am, really. But I think I'll go out and bind myself to this other person for the rest of my life, regardless!". That seems so counter-intuitive to me. Might explain divorce rates.
Well, I blame the feminist revolution for that, actually.
Uh. Anyhow.
Coffee? Yeah....